Sheesh!

I've been on some sort of roller coaster these past few days, were my mood changes from childlike excitement paired with impatience, to a great sadness, that's so profound and heavy that it becomes completely overwhelming. What peeves me about both these emotional states is that 1) they are irrational, and irrational = crazy. And 2) (obviously) I don't know what's causing them. And that sounds nuts, well, because it is. I feel like I'm in the process of something, some sort of transitional phase, yet, I have no idea what the heck I'm transitioning to. Probably into a two headed monster, because that's surely what it feels like! *wobble-wobble*

All I do know is that I'm fully determined and committed to actually practice my truth by living it and walking on its path (the vaguest destiny, like, ever!). I also know that I don't want to wear uncomfortable fancy shoes anymore. Metaphorically, I'd rather it be barefoot (with a very sexy pedicure of course). I no longer want to be part of the rat race because just the thought of it makes my muscles cringe. I literally get knots in my stomach thinking about subway commutes, rushing, overcrowding, deadlines, spreadsheets, presentations and tight pantyhose- agh! I need to be aligned to my essence, and frankly, the 'modern mystic' in me is saying: act from a sense of purpose and healing. Ha! Easier said than done. I don't know how Zen masters do it, swifting by, day by day, one moment at a time, feeling unity in a 'we are all One' mental state and yet completely detached at the same time. Puhleaze, what do they know?! They've never been in love... (or stuck in traffic, or cradled a colicky baby for that matter).