All I do know is that I'm fully determined and committed to actually practice my truth by living it and walking on its path (the vaguest destiny, like, ever!). I also know that I don't want to wear uncomfortable fancy shoes anymore. Metaphorically, I'd rather it be barefoot (with a very sexy pedicure of course). I no longer want to be part of the rat race because just the thought of it makes my muscles cringe. I literally get knots in my stomach thinking about subway commutes, rushing, overcrowding, deadlines, spreadsheets, presentations and tight pantyhose- agh! I need to be aligned to my essence, and frankly, the 'modern mystic' in me is saying: act from a sense of purpose and healing. Ha! Easier said than done. I don't know how Zen masters do it, swifting by, day by day, one moment at a time, feeling unity in a 'we are all One' mental state and yet completely detached at the same time. Puhleaze, what do they know?! They've never been in love... (or stuck in traffic, or cradled a colicky baby for that matter).
August 21, 2012
Sheesh!
I've been on some sort of roller coaster these past few days, were my mood changes from childlike excitement paired with impatience, to a great sadness, that's so profound and heavy that it becomes completely overwhelming. What peeves me about both these emotional states is that 1) they are irrational, and irrational = crazy. And 2) (obviously) I don't know what's causing them. And that sounds nuts, well, because it is. I feel like I'm in the process of something, some sort of transitional phase, yet, I have no idea what the heck I'm transitioning to. Probably into a two headed monster, because that's surely what it feels like! *wobble-wobble*
August 18, 2012
Relativity and objectivity, and the practicality of Love
Lately in the past couple of years, through the learning curve of experience, I've come to the flexible conclusion that it is all relative - whatever "it" and "all" may be. At the end of the day, the quality of my experience no longer depends solely on feelings, emotions, sentiments, or frou-frou things. The quality of my experience resides in the facts: the facts of the matter. And so for me today, it is more important that the facts are right, and then, emotion can come afterwards. I realized that my emotions and feelings are only sentimental opinions or reactions to what the matter of fact is. I can't harbor loving emotions or feelings if the facts are screwy. When facts are iffy, there's nothing concrete to work with.
This is quite the change for me, because before, all my life until a couple of years back, if i didn't FEEL it, it didn't exist for me. No matter what it was. Today though, if it doesn't make sense, then there is no point.
Food for thought: Does it matter what you have, or who you have your what with?
I guess I no longer practically believe in the famous power of love in a relationship. In the words of wise Tina, "What's love got to do with it?" It also very well may be that our definition of love is overly marketed, advertised and romanticized into some unrealistic, esoteric Hollywoodian magical benevolent force. I saw from personal experience, that no matter if you have that flame burning for someone so intensely and not know your head from your ass from how badly head over heels you are, or if practically, instead, you offer tangible results, there is always the possibility of failure or whatever the situation may be. Real life is not about walking into the sunset with your beloved hand in hand on the back of an unicorn, with birds chirping all around. Its about what you build together afterwards, at sunrise. So then, it makes sense to say that Love itself is relative, because emotions themselves are relative to the situation at hand. For me, at the end of the day, what you have accomplished in your life is the standing fact. What you yourself have built with your own blood, sweat and tears. Emotions come and go in life depending on the egocentric trial and errors that you and your beloved commit. Love does not "conquer all". First of all, we don't even know what this famous bucket word: "all" means, and second, lets not forget the other famous saying, "Love is blind". So how can both these sayings co-exist in the same situation? If you're blind sighted, how can you conquer all? You can't. Because it's not about that at the end of the day. The objective depends on the facts of the matter. So get your facts straightened out. Then, you'll have a better aim at conquering your all. Because the fact of the matter is, it matters what you have and who you have your what with.
This is quite the change for me, because before, all my life until a couple of years back, if i didn't FEEL it, it didn't exist for me. No matter what it was. Today though, if it doesn't make sense, then there is no point.
Food for thought: Does it matter what you have, or who you have your what with?
I guess I no longer practically believe in the famous power of love in a relationship. In the words of wise Tina, "What's love got to do with it?" It also very well may be that our definition of love is overly marketed, advertised and romanticized into some unrealistic, esoteric Hollywoodian magical benevolent force. I saw from personal experience, that no matter if you have that flame burning for someone so intensely and not know your head from your ass from how badly head over heels you are, or if practically, instead, you offer tangible results, there is always the possibility of failure or whatever the situation may be. Real life is not about walking into the sunset with your beloved hand in hand on the back of an unicorn, with birds chirping all around. Its about what you build together afterwards, at sunrise. So then, it makes sense to say that Love itself is relative, because emotions themselves are relative to the situation at hand. For me, at the end of the day, what you have accomplished in your life is the standing fact. What you yourself have built with your own blood, sweat and tears. Emotions come and go in life depending on the egocentric trial and errors that you and your beloved commit. Love does not "conquer all". First of all, we don't even know what this famous bucket word: "all" means, and second, lets not forget the other famous saying, "Love is blind". So how can both these sayings co-exist in the same situation? If you're blind sighted, how can you conquer all? You can't. Because it's not about that at the end of the day. The objective depends on the facts of the matter. So get your facts straightened out. Then, you'll have a better aim at conquering your all. Because the fact of the matter is, it matters what you have and who you have your what with.
August 12, 2012
August 3, 2012
What's In A Life?
"You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope" - Thomas Merton
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